boredom

Death By Boredom 22/02/2025

Hello, too much to talk about today I think. I'm back in Amsterdam tho. The city has been stressing me out again tho, I think. Maybe because of all the social dynamics again. Well IDK it just feels like I've been losing the grip on my life again a bit. slightly slipping which is scary yes.

It's good being back at Rietveld. Amazing spaces and amazing school, big reset. However I feel so much less inspired than before. It's probably the people or the general vibe in the school. The heavy focus on social education and then everyone being incredibly a-social and quite egocentric feels really awkward. Maybe I should focus a bit more on myself in the working space. I don't know why I stopped writing I should continue doing so.

I really should find a way to live in my own fantasy again, like I did in Paris. Doing so gives me so much purpose and fills in so much empty existential thought. Paris (France) was really an environment that allowed me to do so. Here in Amsterdam everything feels so much less magical tho... History and culture and swag and sassiness doesn't linger the way in the streets here like it does in Paris.

I really enjoy my house here in Amsterdam tho. I cleaned it fully, deeply, keep it in good shape. Do some nice cooking! And fermenting. My house is really my homebase here instead of the city like it was in Paris. I play a lot of videogames, it's good for my concentration.

Also went to Frankfurt with school! which was fun, there were bedbugs, other things etc etc. cool stuff. It was nicely hellish.

Thanks for tuning in again, and reading me trying to make sense of things again! My teacher quoted Joan Didion (I think?) once, when we were talking about writing and journaling etc...
"Write yourself into understanding."
It's a quote I cherish..